im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
