if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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