PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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