My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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