We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
