I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
