Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
