2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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