are you so shy because you have an std?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
