Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
