You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
