It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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