I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
