Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
