the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
