how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
