I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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