you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
