I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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