...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
