that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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