His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
