If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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