Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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