1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
