Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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