Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
