I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
