Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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