went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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