I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize