trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
