just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
