..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
