So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
