Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
