There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
