and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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