people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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