sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
