Pants 0. Shit 1.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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