You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
