You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
