he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
