Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
