why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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