walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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