I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
