matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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