toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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