I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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