is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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