Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
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He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
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You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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