There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
