did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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