her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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