Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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