Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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