Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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