Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
