I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
