So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
