I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
