I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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