I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he was CRYING into my vagina
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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