we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
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We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
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Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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