he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
