Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
