I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
