i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
