I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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