just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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