At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
